Disappointed.

I've been walking since four in the morning,
but its just fat pigs and camels that I saw.
I've been cracking jokes since four in the morning,
but all I got was a fake hee hee ha ha haw.

My love for you is nothing less than infinite.

What will I do without you,
my love.
Who will I yell at?
Who will I hit everyday?
What will I do without you,
my love.

You never complained.
You never resisted.
You always let me screw you,
black and blue.

What will I do without you,
my love.
Who will I throw things at?
Who will I give all the stale food to?
Who will wash my fucking undies?
What will I do without you,
my love.

Know.

I run amok.
Amidst gray clouds.
What I find -
in my quest for knowledge,
in my quest for power,
in my quest for fame,
- is more gray clouds.
But.
The moment I look around,
I see light.

Yellow and Grey.

Leave everything.
Pack your guitar.
But no clothes.
No cigarettes.
No joints.
No booze.
Don't even take your phone.
Nothing, except maybe for a camera and a sketchbook and your i-pod.
Before leaving your room, open the windows or go out in the balcony, look out and try to spot the furthest thing visible.
Hills, mountains, towers, oceans, whatever it is, brand that image on your mind.
Brand it good.
Now say, 'I own all that.'
And, 'I'm so going there.'
And finally, 'And nothing can stop me.'
Now leave.
Don't lock your room.
Don't close the windows.
Don't look back.
Start your bike.
Put it in gear.
Accerelate.
And leave everything.

To home or not to home.

I'm home. Well, I've been here for more than half a month now. Anyway, the point is, I'm home. Am I happy? Very. But its the discrepancies between my parents and me that's a turnoff. When I'm home, my Achilles' heel is not only the heel, but the face, limbs, crotch, everything, etc. I say this!, and my dad jumps and says no!that!. Sigh.

Two years ago, we got a broadband connection. Every family has their happy moment as someone from the telephone exchange comes and fixes the router and all. Its quite similar to when a family gets a new car. I was all glad when we got the connection. Since I had developed a habit at the hostel, that of downloading about 1.5 million gigabytes of shit everyday, I didn't bother to ask what the limit was.

One day, I was downloading a movie and my dad walked in.

Dad : Wassup?
Me : Yo. (I don't say that when its my dad I'm talking to. Though, I've started sending him \m/s and all in reply to his occasional How was your exam, son?s and such.)
Dad : What're you doing?
Me : Downloading a movie.
Dad (cold stare) : :|
Me : What!
Dad : Nothing. Just make sure you don't exceed the limit.
Me : How much is the limit?
Dad : 1.5 GB.
Me : Ah. No problem, dad. Won't exceed. Relax. :)

1.5 GB a day. Its less. But , I'll manage, I thought. So I started downloading lesser number of movies everyday. It was tough to manage. But I was doing good. I was keeping the download range between 1-1.5 GB per day. And that was good.

Then. One day, while I was having dinner with parents, this happened :

Dad : You're always on the net, son.
Me : Don't worry, dad. I'm keeping the usage in check.
Dad : I'm sure you are. I know you can manage with 1.5 GB per month. But what I meant was that you don't spend enough time with us.
Me (:O :O :O :O :O :O :O :O :O :O) : :O
Dad : Hmm? Don't you think you should be spending some time with your family? Help mom, help me and all?
Me : :O :O :O :O :O
Dad : What happened?
Me (meekly) : Nothing. Excuse me. I have to go to the bathroom.

I went to the bathroom and I remember having stared at my reflection in the mirror for a whole five minutes. Didn't help though. I had suddenly gone pale. As pale as a fucking white paper. What do I do now! WHAT! I went outside and continued with my dinner. I tried my best to look normal. Later that night we had an argument as to how I don't spend enough time with my family and how I'm always glued to the comp. I let myself lose the argument. That was not even on my worry list. What I was worried about was how I was going to face dad when he got that goddamn bill in his hands. Luck didn't even give me enough time to think over it. In a week or so, the bill arrived. I guessed it by the look dad had on his face when he returned from office. He was like Grr! and I'm uber-angry! and all.

Dad : Son. Come. Lets talk.
Me : Ok.
Dad : The bill just came.
Me : Hmm.
Dad : 7000. Extra.
Me : ...
Dad : How do u explain all this?
Me : ...

And it went on. It went on for longer than LotR. He was like Lets go ask them for the history. I don't know whether that's possible or not, but I sure didn't want him to do that. Lets just say there were some sites I didn't want him to know I had visited. So, there. I was in a fix. If I would have been a 4 year old with American lower class parents, my ass would've evaporated from all the spanking.

Such shit keeps happening when I'm home.

Ooh! Another incident! When I was preparing for all the design entrances half a year ago, I had asked my dad for a D-SLR. He was like You work hard and get admission in one of those design colleges and I'll buy you the best fucking D-SLR out there. And I was like Yay!. So I worked. I worked my ass off, just for the D-SLR. And I got into one of them colleges. So, a couple of days back, I was with dad and he asks me :

Dad : So, will you be taking your digital camera to Pune?
Me (looking at mom) : Erm.
Dad : What?
Me : What about the D-SLR?
Dad : What D-SLR?
Me : Umm, the one you promised?
Dad : I had promised for one only if you got into NID.
Me : WTF! (looking at mom for help) Mom! You promised!
Mom (looking at dad) : Yes. We promised.
Dad : Ok. How much does a D-SLR cost? 5-6k, right?
Me : Erm, no. About ten times that much.
Dad : _|_ then.
Me : :| :|

After some time :

Dad : Ok. U go there and study well. Show me in the first semester that you are serious about studies and then I'll buy you the D-SLR.
Me : Why not right now!
Dad : You'll get distracted.
Me : Dad! Its design I'll be studying. Music, arts, this, that, photography, travel, all of them go together.
Dad : No. Your top priority should be studies.
Me : :|

Gah!

Home for me is a battlefront. I'm on one side. And dad's on the other. Mom is the negotiator. Home's good. But there're times when I'm forced to ponder over whether this generation gap will ever get bridged or not. Is it always like this? Is this the case everywhere? I mean, I have the best parents ever. I have awesome parents. Awesome-max. Ah. But its this thing between you and your parents, when you say you need a bike and they say they did with a cycle in their times, that's irritating. If one has a talent, why not encourage it? Does everything, EVERYTHING, have to spiral down to studies? Is academia the only thing that's important? Whatever happened to extra curricular talent? There's so much of talent in our country that we can seriously be an awesome folk. We can have our own TV reality show of India's got talent!. But its this thing about academics nation-wide that's stopping us from qualifying for the world cup or having good metal bands and all that jazz. Fine. Us people and the old folks, we give giga-stress on academics. So we crap out highly intelligent people. But what's the good in that if they don't stay here and do something? That leaves us with a lack of people good at M.A.D. and a lack of people with smarts as well. I really hope something happens. Some good shit.

EDIT 1 : How the hell did I manage to drift off to patriotism from home issues? :O

Sigh.

Return of the Deng.

Tyrant, Count, Weasel, Blue-Flame, S. I'm back. :D

Blogs, plogs, mlogs and all that - This is Part Deux.

\m/

Assholes! All of them! Why the fuck do they call it a Rock Show then? People won't like it. People won't come. It won't attract crowds. My ass.

:|

Stupid fuckers. And they call themselves metalheads. Up their's.

Infinite anger = This.

Fucking hypocrites.

Rock in India.

You will never see the light!
Bound to always live by lies!
-No Sympathy For Fools, Behemoth.

For those about to rock, we salute you.
-For Those About To Rock, AC/DC.

Show me the meaning of being lonely
Is this the feeling I need to walk with?
Tell me why
I can't be there where you are
There's something missing in my heart
-Show Me The Meaning, Backstreet Boys.



I smile at the thought of the beautiful evening ahead as I enter the Palace Grounds, wearing a white BSB tee. I look around. Damn! I've never seen so many hot chicks before. Chicks wearing pink tops and all. Hot stuff. I reach the frisk booth. A big mattress of a guy asks me to empty my back-pack. I do so. He gives all the items a quick glance. There's a Fanta bottle. A couple of orange flavored lolli-pops. A spare pink tee. A cap. A Nick-You-Rock poster that I made the previous day. Et al. He nods and lets me in. Like I give a damn. He can hurt me though. I don't want that now, do I? So I, avoiding his gaze, enter the venue. As I enter, the first thing I hear is the song Quit Playing Games With My Heart being played over the system. This is it. All these years of waiting has been worth it. I suddenly remember singing BSB songs with friends in the bus on our way back after school. Good memories. Nostalgia strikes. Is that a tear? Bloody hell. It is. I fail to understand why I cry so often. I remove my handkerchief and wipe the tear off. As I look up, I notice a girl staring at me. She gives me a smile. As if she just read my mind. As if she knew what that tear drop was a product of. As if she'd been there. I smile back. She smiles again and disappears in the crowd. I look around in utter wonder. Excitement. I notice many others sucking on lolli-pops. Gosh! This is fun! Having so many like-minded people at the same place at the same time, all for the love of Rock. As I explore the place more, I realize there are games and rides too, like the ones they have at the amusement parks. Can't get any cooler, seriously. Oh. There are game stalls too. I go to one. There are lolli-pops of different flavors arranged on the floor. What's with lolli-pops! But what the hell, eh? If one manages to throw a ring on any of them, one gets it for free. Swell, innit? Suddenly, I notice some activity on the stage. I see people setting up the equipment. Overflowing with exhilaration, I move towards the stage. As time flies by, the crowd grows bigger and after a while as I stretch up on my toes and look behind, I see endless faces, endless pink tees and endless posters like the one I have. I remove the poster from my bag. As I unroll the rolled paper to admire my own artwork, I notice people around me peeking a glance at it. Apparently, its a well made poster, as I receive compliments. I begin to realize that this is just the beginning of a time I am not going to be able to forget in many years to come. I'm pulled back to reality as the lights go out and I sense some activity on the stage. I can see that people are as anticipated as I am. Thousands of girls screaming Nick's name. Thousands of blokes shouting BSB-rocks slogans. All of a sudden, fireworks go up in the sky and form the shape of a heart like in the movies. The stage lights up and there they are! The five legends! All of them dressed up in the most dazzling, shimmering, sparkling outfits I've ever seen. The crowd goes into a frenzy as the deafening roar of cheer and love for the boy band fills the air of the Palace Grounds.

This is not Rock! Its pretty fucking far from it.

Porcupine Tree

4:45 PM - I pay the rickshaw-wala.

4:55 PM - I eat a vada-pav, waiting for a friend. I see hot chicks.

5:10 PM - I enter the IIT campus with that friend.

5:15 PM - We see the line.

5:16 PM - We realize its a long line.

5:17 PM - We realize its a fucking long line.

5:30 PM - A really hot chick in really revealing clothing approaches me. I grow excited.

5:31 PM - The really hot chick goes to the chick behind me and starts interviewing her. Apparently, she's media. I think, WTF.

6:00 PM - We hear some band playing really heavy stuff and curse the universe in general.

6:30 PM - Parikrama people start playing. At least that's what we think.

6:35 PM - We hear violins. Fear = Reality. We start cursing the universe again.

6:36 PM - Somebody screams, "IIT SUCKS!"

6:36 PM - We nod in approval realizing that IIT's a better thing to curse than the universe.

7:00 PM - Curse.

7:05 PM - Whine.

7:10 PM - Crib.

7:15 PM - Talks about intense frisking ahead. People freak out. One dude throws away a pack of cigarettes and a bottle of rum. People start laughing at him.

7:30 PM - Parikrama people announce their last song. We curse IIT.

7:30 PM - We try to calculate the time it would still take us to get inside.

7:31 PM - Somebody remarks that we could miss PTree.

7:31 PM to 7:40 PM - People get angry and start discussing strategies on how they can sneak in and not miss the show and how to burn the place down if missed.

7:41 PM - A cop car passes by, with cops inside it warning people to not smuggle stuff inside and how one would not be allowed to enter if caught.

7:41 PM - Two more dudes psych out and dump a few cigarettes.

7:42 PM to 7:43 PM - I start thinking about my camera. The thought of depositing it in the locker room crosses my mind.

7:44 PM - I realize its PT I'm attending.

7:45 PM - I hide the camera strategically.

7:46 PM - I spot a few friends way ahead of me in the line and they let me in.

7:55 PM - Intense frisking. They don't discover the camera. I breathe a sigh of relief.

8:00 PM - And joy. We are in.

8:15 PM - Porcupine Tree starts playing.

It was beautiful! They played all the songs that we hoped they would. Including Russia On Ice. A few songs they played :

Halo
Hate Song
Blackest Eyes
Lazarus
Trains
Sound Of Muzak
Russia On Ice
Way Out Of Here
Time Flies

... and all.

It was way way way better than Iron Maiden. And the moment they started playing Russia On Ice, I was all AAAAAH! So was the rest of the crowd. And the response PT got from the crowd was just zoooperb. People were singing along almost throughout. And I've seen two PT concerts. That doesn't happen. Who knows, they might come back. That will be the day!

And I was in the second row! Second fucking row! Of course that took a shitload of pushing and cursing, but still. Second Row!

I even managed to shoot Trains and Way Out Of Here. Both the songs, full!

Again, Beautiful.